Sacrifice

Revelation 7:13-14 Then one of the elders answered, saying to me, “These who are clothed in the white robes, who are they, and where have they come from?” I said to him, “My lord, you know.” And he said to me, “These are the ones who come out of the great tribulation, and they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.”

In my morning reading the other day, I came across this excerpt from William Barclay’s Daily Bible Study on Revelation 7:13-14, “The main idea is based on sacrifice. Sacrifice is essentially something which is designed to restore an interrupted and a lost relationship with God.” Because in the Bible the marital relationship is compared to our relationship with God, we can extrapolate William Barlcay’s commentary to marriage to get something like, “Sacrifice is essentially something which is designed to restore an interrupted and a lost relationship in marriage.”

This is the thrust of my book, Having an E5 Marriage. I wrote on the back cover that the book is not intended to improve your marriage. It is instead written to lead you closer to Christ. Strengthening your faith, leaning on Christ for understanding, spending time in daily prayer and Bible study, and applying Biblical principles to every area of your life will improve your outlook on your marriage. It will make you a healthier person, and you will be doing everything Christ wants you to do. Note that the focus is on you.

During those times I wish Christ would change my wife in the way I would like and do it immediately, I have come to realize that there are actually lessons for me to learn and that there are changes that need to be made in my life. I may or may not be a better husband for the changes that are made, but I am becoming a healthier person. So you may ask, “What’s the difference?”

The difference is twofold. First, instead of focusing on the ways you think your spouse should change, you spend your time and energy strengthening your relationship with Christ. You may find like I did that, in those times of interruption of the happy marital relationship, Christ is actually setting you up for transformation. Like me, you may find yourself becoming more dependent on Christ for unmet needs and desires, discover that weak areas in your life have been strengthened, and approach problem areas in your marriage in a more healthy way.

That doesn’t necessarily make periods of interruption easy to deal with. But it does help change your perspective and open your eyes to Christ moving in your marriage.

Second, I believe you will learn healthier ways to deal with interruptions in your marriage and with the ways in which you feel your spouse mishandles you or approaches the marriage. For example, many of our responses are based on fear and lies. Chasing after the fear and lies can quickly lead to exhaustion. “If I only take on more chores around the house, she will have more time to spend with me.” That may or may not be true in your marriage, but be careful. Over-extending yourself in an effort to get someone’s attention can backfire and lead to hurt feelings, resentment, and exhaustion. There is also no Biblical support for this approach. In Romans 11, Paul explained that if we are saved by works alone then there is no act of grace. If we are saved by grace, then our works are powerless to save. Over in James 2, our works are the result of our faith and faith without works is dead. Christ is the only example we have of performing works to the point of exhaustion for the benefit of someone else, and it resulted in His death. He has the resources to expend such energy because He is divine. The only other Biblical example we have of giving to the point of exhaustion leading to death is a martyr, and a martyr only gives up his or her life for the cause of Christ.

Remember this. Christ is in charge of your marriage. He does not need your works to save your marriage because He will save it through grace. If you believe that your works alone will improve your marriage, you are doomed to exhaustion. Thus, focusing on Christ and allowing yourself to be transformed by and through Christ will put you in a position to approach your marriage in more healthy ways. Besides, you cannot work out the salvation of anyone other than yourself (Ezekiel 14:12-20).

Sacrifice yourself to Christ first because you are only responsible and accountable for yourself, not anyone else. Then you will have the right frame of mind with which to approach your marriage. Jesus said in Luke 9:23, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me.” Obedience to Christ must come first. Whether your spouse does the same is between him or her and Christ. Besides, you have enough to worry about with yourself.