Love is one of those words which is very difficult to define. The dictionary only scratches the surface in defining love by describing it as affection, an emotion or the object of attachment, devotion or admiration (Merriam-Webster). Love as a feeling or emotion is a somewhat misleading or incomplete definition of love because it implies that love is something we receive or something we give but only in exchange for the same in return. However, we can only receive if someone first gives. Love which is dependent or conditioned on the acts of someone else hardly seems to be love at all. There is no sacrifice or selfless giving in that type of attitude.
Adding to our definition of love, Jesus said in John 13:34-35, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (NASB) By this understanding, love takes some form of outward shape that can be observed in society. So the question remains – what is love? How is it defined? We often know love when we see it, yet we struggle to put words to our understanding.
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary begins to put words to a truer definition of love with this entry, “An unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.” William Barclay in his Daily Bible Study on Matthew, specifically commenting on the Beatitudes, defined love as “seeking the best for someone even when they intend the worst for you.” This I believe is a definition or understanding of love which best expresses how we can know what love is (be able to identify it) and what our duties are in giving love to other people and to God (be able to express it).
Because hate is the opposite of love, or at least it is opposed to love, William Barclay’s definition that love works in the best interest and seeks the welfare of another person raises an interesting question. If we are not acting in the best interest of another person, does that mean we hate them?
Let’s consider this through the eyes of Scripture. Jesus said we are to love our neighbor as we love ourselves (Luke 10:27). He explained that our neighbor is anyone with whom we come in contact and is not restricted only to those people who live next door or live on our street or those people that are our closest friends and relatives. This would include the person we encounter at the grocery store. The person next to us at work. The person in the car we pass on the road. The person at the other end of the pew in church. The person we walk by in the park. Our lives intersect with theirs, even if for a fleeting moment. Jesus said we will show them who He is by our love for one another.
This question makes me wonder how fine the line is between love and hate. As I read through chapters 13 to 16 of the Gospel of John, I come away with a sense that Jesus intended for an attitude of love to permeate our whole being and that we are to immerse ourselves in Him. Indeed, Jesus says in John chapter 15 that we are to be branches connected to the vine (Jesus) and that unless we are connected we shall bear no fruit. The branch receives its only life-giving food from the vine, which in turn is rooted in good soil. If we are not connected to the vine, Jesus says that we will be cast away and picked up by men of the earth to be burned. This is a word picture telling us that just as a branch that dies and falls from the tree in your front yard and then you set it out for the garbage, the same will happen to us if we are not connected to the vine. We cannot be half-way connected or partially connected. We are either connected or we are not.
So I believe it is with the line between love and hate. It is very thin, either we love or we hate. Although I have not read the book, the title 50 Shades of Gray is, I believe, very telling of this world. Many decisions we come across in life have what we call gray areas, times when we are uncertain or unsure. Just how gray is this area? If there are 50 shades of gray, some will be close to black and others close to white. However, what remains true is that none of those 50 shades of gray are black or white. If we are not working in someone’s best interest, then what are we doing? There is no gray area or multiple shades of gray to choose from in determining how close or far away from love we may be with a person. Either we act in their best interest or we do not (regardless of how they treat us).
William Barclay’s thoughts expressed in his Daily Bible Study on Revelation provide us with a better definition of hate when he used the words “indifference,” “neutrality,” “detached,” and “resisted.” These words can be used to describe a person who is not seeking the best for another, no matter how that other person treats them. William Barclay’s definition of love rests on the critical ingredient of the other person seeking your worst. Indeed, showing only love when someone intends the worst for you demonstrates a deep commitment to Christ. Indifference, neutrality, detachment and resistance set in when we choose not to love in such situations.
The purpose in my writing this article is not to condemn, accuse or judge. Rather, what I hope I have done is cause you, the reader, to consider the effect your behavior has on your neighbor. How do they receive your actions? Let me give you an example. I thought about this subject for a very long time before writing the article. The more I thought the more I realized that my acting in the best interest of the other person extends to every area of my life and even if my intersection with the other person is but for a few seconds. This would include my driving habits. As with anyone else, I dislike being cut-off in traffic and when people are rude on the road. If I dislike it, how do people feel if I do the same to them? The unfortunate reality is that when I make room for another driver to change lanes or drive the speed limit, I get taken advantage of. Sometimes it means the difference between getting a red light when I could have gone through the green had I not let the other driver in. That someone else takes advantage of me is not something I can change in the other person. I am not responsible for their behavior or decisions. I have to give them over to the Lord. However, I am responsible for my behavior and my decisions, and the Lord says I will be held to account. If I am connected to the Vine, I will offer kindness to the other driver. Will they recognize what I did as coming from the Lord? Will they accept it as kindness? These are questions I am not able to answer. What I do know is that drivers showing kindness on the road is uncommon.
The point is that love is to permeate our entire being. What comes out of us through our decisions and behavior is a reflection of the contents and thoughts of our mind and heart. If we seek the Lord through our heart and mind, our actions will follow. If we only accept the Lord half way, our outward actions will reflect our decision. But remember, there are no shades of gray between love and hate.
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